I know, I know. Everyone was expecting a post a WEEK back but didn't actually get one. My apologies... I'd looked up the template a while back and was going to start posting full throttle once my summer break started on the 12th (ps. a big thank you to everyone who liked my template!).
But the day my Psych exam ended on Thursday, things started to happen. Bad baaaaaaad things. I was hit by a chilling fear of getting bad grades and losing a chunk of my scholarship next year and the fact that most my final exams had ended pathetically, didn't help a lot. And as I started to think over WHAT HAD GONE WRONG during the quarter, I spent hours listening to music (thinking)... hours talking to friends (with the thoughts lingering in the back of my mind)... and I tried not come up with the excuse that I'd taken 5 hard-core classes that I couldn't handle.
Life seemed to stagnate. All options seemed the same and it was dreadful I tell you. But being me, after an entire Thursday of worrying and putting on fake smiles for everyone I met, I decided to turn my car around and start afresh - with new perceptions, new options and the old live-for-today attitude. That evening I resumed my tennis practice and the next day I stayed over at Maureen's on campus, watched the FIFA World Cup, napped in the afternoon after aaaages and went out clubbing that night. It lifted my mood but when I returned home the next day, it was like I was thrown back into a life which had nowhere to turn to... staying up late into the night sucked too, especially when I'd planned on getting a good night's sleep after pulling off all-nighters during the exam week!
So I woke up the on Monday with my mom walking into my room asking, "Aren't you going for the leadership training today?" And I swear... if there's a perfect dotdotdot expression, I had it on my face then. This was it! My ticket to a week away from everything! It had completely slipped my mind (thats what happens when people sponsor you and give you an option of attending an event or not).
Even before I could fully open my eyes, I was stuffing my bag with clothes, emptying everything on the bathroom counter into my bag and scribbling down emergency numbers for my mom (much to her satisfaction). Later my sister told me how hilarious it was to watch my stumble around the house sleepily, pulling on my jeans, not bothering for a shower and running out of the house to catch the bus to University then to Clarksville. I bet it was hilarious... I'd never felt this enthusiastic about going somewhere in a while and I myself laugh at it now.
And I was off with nearly 40 other kids to the leadership training program an hour north of where I live. I could go on and on about how amazing and valuable this training session was to me... and it would take a ton of posts to describe my 7am-11pm action-packed week. I met people from all over the campus (mostly juniors and seniors) and the program was designed in such a way that in the end you left with a vision you would work on on-campus and get to know yourself, people better and be a leader. It was challenging, yet fun. I'd even go as far as saying it was one of the best impulsive decisions I'd made.
Upon returning on Saturday, I felt like I hadn't felt in months. I felt... free. I felt strong, like I had control over my life again. It was incredible. I still feel it. I believe now. In myself and in my actions. Well, I did earlier too, but I always held back myself. Doubtful and wary of how things might turn out. If ever anyone has the chance to do something like this, I highly recommend it. Simply put, you become more comfortable with yourself and see things differently. You get to look inside yourself and figure out your weaknesses and strengths and have other people look at them through stories and past experiences and give you feedback. Its... great. Its overwhelming and a bit crazy to feel this way, but who cares?! Its all positive energy baby.
Its ironic though. When I returned home after a week, nothing had changed. It was like sliding into your life right where you'd left it - a life you were hoping would magically change when you'd return. But it felt different. It felt like I knew the way out if things turned out a certain way. In short, life seemed to move. Move on. I make it a point not to make blogs personal, but I guess I'll just do it this one time. It sucks I had to miss out on a week of the World Cup, a ton of clubbing/bbq invitations and my sister's birthday party, but I think it was for the better.
With all that said, I'm trying to figure out how to put up a slideshow of pics of my week, and of the days to come. As for my summer plans... stay tuned. They've changed so quickly over the past few weeks, it really is insane. At first there were 18 credits I was taking at Uni, but then I found out a way to skip the credits and give a couple of exams and get those credits. Then after I did end up giving one exam, the Dean told me he was skeptical of accepting the grades as the College of Engineering had never accepted them earlier and I would be the first to receive the credit if they did plan to accept them. It was frustrating! With that I made plans to visit India and Germany -- which didn't fly too well. Now I think I might just visit NYC again, go hiking somewhere and take classes over summer. I dunno. I'll keep this place updated.
I hope summer's going great and everyone's driving safe and being good!
