Dog Days

The last few nights have been emotionally weird... really. I might even go as far and say that for a fact, relationships SUCK -- any kind of relationship (but I'm talking about a heterosexual one for now :P hehe).

Okay, so I probably did make a promise not to make blogs personal, but hey, I can't really think of any better topic other than the AWESOME red card show in the FIFA world cup final or my sudden interest in Irish punk music. So I'll go on... (much to y'all's dismay). My story's about a guy I was with (technically) for a while almost a year ago and I was reminded of him this past week by almost eevrything I saw, heard or thought of. I could have easily stopped relating things to him, but meh. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I let myself think back and guiltily enjoy the thought of old times... I know. Most teens have a natural tendency of being labeled at pathetic when it comes to the matters of the heart.

The worst part of it is that people think they've moved on after a while... That they can finally make themselves like someone else (and it can and does happen).

But then there are days and nights when they think otherwise and indulge in wishful thinking that never does anyone good. Sadly, I've been doing this kind of thinking for the past few nights. Every thought begins with a "What if..." and ends with a sigh. And then it hurts for some crazy, senseless reason that what you just thought of can never be possible and you just wasted a LOT of your minutes of sleep (and life) thinking about the near impossible. And nah, they're not regrets. I try not to regret and when I do, I definitely realize I am... and wishful thinking cannot be actually called regretting o.O

Or can it?

And I say the near impossible because... I'm a wishful thinker, heh.

Let's put it this way. You miss a person more when you know you can't have them anymore. Now, I should be thinking of the guy I was with recently, but nooo... I'm thinking of that one guy I was with who was... different and all that good stuff. You know...

I guess you relate to the one who you wanted to say so much to, but never could. Or the one you think should give you closure, but never will now. Or the person who you fell so hard for and it took you aaaaaages to bring yourself back to liking someone (half-heartedly).

I wouldn't call it first love. But it definitely was a first something. It sucks that it might take you a lifetime to find someone remotely close to that person.

And it sucks even more to know that after such a long time, you're still hung up on a few sweet memories that remain only as... faded or even forgotten memories.

Here I'll end your misery and get some sleep... and yes. Go on with my wishful thinking 'cuz I simply can't bring myself to stopping it. And I can't tell you why...



ps. I had to change the template as I didn't feel it blended very well with how my summer was going... it's going good so far, just not good enough to be bright orange, blue and yellow.

Posted by Mia on Monday, July 10, 2006 at 11:57 PM | Permalink